Turning over a fresh leaf

Over the past few months, I've been trying to understand why it seems that the world around me has been changing so much. It almost seems like everyone has started to run the race whilst I am still standing at the starting blocks, waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

This feeling of being lost and confused. This feeling of wanting someone to hold my hand and spoon feed me. Many a times I lie there in bed wondering "What can I do?" Is there anything I can do to help out various issues around me? The focus has been very much as to what can I do in order for something to happen. Even though I must admit that I have started a weekly prayer time for various people I know. I know its not this that will get me into heaven. Having written a Bible Study on Luke 18:9-14, I think I can liken myself to the Pharisee.

⁹To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹The Pharisee stood up and prayed about^[a] himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

¹³"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

¹⁴"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14)

Here the Pharisee, even though he is seen as holy and righteous with God, thought that his actions was going to make him better than someone like the tax collector who was seen as an outcast in society, ie. being a Jew who collected money to the Romans. I think for the last few months, I've been trying to do things alot like the Pharisee and I guess I keep overseeing the fact that I am a sinner and that in order for anything to happen it is by God's strength and not mine. I guess because of this on a few occasions I have done things that seemingly glorify God but end up with the wrong motive.

When I read my Bible this morning I flipped to Romans 1 and the first thing I came across was the following

¹⁸The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, ¹⁹since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. (Roman 1:18-19)

Seriously this sounds scary as one would know its because Jesus died on the cross for us that we do not have to take the punishment as judged by God and that we have a chance of salvation. If I was to face God's wrath today, I think the punishment for my actions will not come lightly.

So I guess in light of all that has been said, its not really the world around me that has been changing without me, but maybe I am the source of that change. Its going to be a rough journey down this narrow path. But I've taken a detour previously and now is the time to get back on the narrow path to start afresh.